What do the children want us to know when they say “I wanted to be alone a little”, “I want this and not that”, “I don’t want to eat”, “I want a hug” , I like a little yes and a little no”,  or “I don’t want to go in”. These sentences accurately express their feelings at that moment. They are not disobedient children. They simply say to the adults please don’t make me do things that are not right for me now.

I’m not hungry, and I don’t feel like eating, I’m sad and want a hug, I’m scared and don’t want to go back to a place where I didn’t feel comfortable. I saw another kid get something  and I want it too. I love you a lot mom but now you don’t let me and it upsets me so I act up and start a tantrum.

Children share their feelings with us and are expecting to be understood. The child who wants to be alone expresses a full range of feelings from the joy of being alone, to doing what is forbidden to the point of inventing an imaginary friend that will be an equal partner. The understanding that it’s fun to be alone but that belonging to a family is important is stronger than the need to be isolated and avoid social interactions. Children always hope that parents note their uniqueness, individuality, and their need for a caressing personal attention.

Often children expresses feelings adults also share but have no time to express. How many of us feel like having free time to rest and not to always being told what to do?  Our children’s life is not always simple. They have to constantly struggle for attention, for recognition of their uniqueness and independence, and for their place in the family and among other children. Paying attention to what our children say and openness to understanding the cause of their behavior are crucial. Looking at life through their eyes and noticing the voice of their hearts will be the basis for our lasting warm relationship with them as they grow up.